


it's one of those moments (got your name written all over it)

by LiveLaughLovex



Series: our definition of perfect [8]
Category: Blue Bloods (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-07 23:05:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17969756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiveLaughLovex/pseuds/LiveLaughLovex
Summary: It doesn't take Jamie long after the birth of his son to see what the family he's built is missing out on the most.





	it's one of those moments (got your name written all over it)

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from Cole Swindell's "You Should Be Here," which is a heartbreaking song all on its own, but when added to this, well, I'm sorry for any tears. I hope you enjoy anyway. 
> 
> There are some beautiful things I've read about scenarios like this, and the ones where Eddie's introduced to the family always make me cry. This time, though, I wanted it to be mainly about Jamie. I hope I've done it justice.

“Hi, Mom. Grandma. Joe. Linda.” Jamie came to a stop in front of the headstones the day after his son’s birth, blinking back tears as he bent to place a lily on each grave. “I didn’t really plan on coming out here this morning. I went home to get some things for Eddie, and, well… at some point on the drive back to the hospital, I took a different turn and ended up here.”

He shook his head wryly at that. “It made me think about all the different turns I’ve taken in life to get where I am. And I just – I used to think becoming a cop was a mistake, that I wasn’t cut out for it. There are days that I still do. But you never did, did you, Joe? You knew as well when you were down here as you did when you got up there that I wasn’t going to be happy behind a desk. You always knew.”

He placed a hand atop the cool marble of his brother’s headstone. “You’re the reason I did it, Joe. The reason I walked the beat, the reason I took the sergeant’s exam. The reason I met Eddie, who, by the way, you would’ve loved. She’d be the kind you’d take under your wing immediately, I just know it.”

He sniffled and laughed quietly, sadly, swiping at the single tear trailing down his cheek. “I know you had him up there with you first. I know you’re all part of the reason he got to us safe. It’s not like you haven’t always known. But, I’m a dad. I have a son, and he has your name. And I’m going to make sure he never forgets that part of his story’s tied to you. He’ll never meet you, but he’s going to know you, Joe. I swear it.”

He then moved down the row, coming to stand before his mother’s grave. “Mom. There’s another Reagan boy in this world, so we need you to send down as much of that stored grace as you possibly can if we’re going to make it through his teenage years, yeah?” He smiled to himself. “If you were here, you would be telling me that he’s a perfect angel. I know he is, now. Send me some sort of reminder in about thirteen years, though, all right?”

Jamie glanced up at the sky and drew in a deep breath before returning his eyes to the words carved into the stone. “His mother’s going to get me through it. She’s gotten me through so much over the years. You would like her, Mom. She’s loyal and overprotective, and she loves like she’s scared the world’s going to run out of it. Some days, she’s my only reminder that there’s any left out there, you know? She’s a lot like you in that way.”

“Dad misses you every day. Yesterday was harder than most, though. He’s a grandfather again. I saw him looking around the room once, when he was holding Flynn. He didn’t say anything, didn’t bring it up, but I know who he was looking for. You, Mom. He was looking for you. We all were, I think. You should’ve been there. You all should’ve…” His voice broke, and he cleared his throat. “You all should have been there, and it’s really hard to have faith in things when I consider how unfair it is that none of you were.”

“Grandma.” He smiled sadly once again. “Gramps stayed with us all last night, awake the entire time, telling Flynn about you. I swear, the kid woke up a few times, stared up at him with this look on his face. He knows you, Grandma. And even if he forgets, I’ll make sure he learns all over again. You were always someone worth knowing. My kid’s not going to miss out on any of it – not a single story, a single picture. He’s going to know where he came from – where you came from. I promise.”

He moved on to the final grave. “Linda. You were always like a big sister to me, but there are moments where I miss that more than others. Like yesterday, when I saw my brother holding that boy of mine. I said we were all looking for Mom. We were all looking for you, too. We wanted you to be his godmother. I just wanted you to know that. I’m hoping you can hear me up there, because otherwise…” He shook his head. “You were the best of us, Linda. You were all the best of us, and you’re all missing out on so much, and I just…” He shrugged with one shoulder. “I take different turns now, apparently. They haven’t taken me in the wrong direction yet, right?”

He cleared his throat. “I know you’re all up there, holding us together in your own way. Remember to take care of each other, too, okay? I’ll make sure we keep up with everything down here. We promised all of you we’d never be a family that turned its backs, and we’re going to keep that promise. If not for the four of you, then for them. For Nicky, and Jack, and Sean, and Flynn. You built something great for them. We’ll make sure there’s something great for them even after we’ve all gone up to be with you.” He sighed quietly. “And I will do my best not to raise this one so stubborn that he ends up worrying you, okay? But I can’t be blamed for what the Reagan blood in his veins leads him to do. Eddie’s side can only balance out our inherent insanity so much.”

“I’ve got to go now. My wife, she’ll start to worry,” he murmured after a few moments. “Take care of each other up there. We’ll keep taking care of each other down here. Always. I swear.” He cleared his throat, then said one last thing, the words meaning even more than he could’ve possibly imagined when he’d first learned them: “ _Slán. Tá grá agam duit._ ”

With that, he brushed the last of the dirt from their graves, swiped away a final tear, and stood, heading back for the parking lot, the car – and the future he’d been blessed with an opportunity to live out.

**Author's Note:**

> “Slán. Tá grá agam duit.” (Goodbye, I love you).


End file.
